Very well, Primark, elude me as shops often do. Tease me, outrageous cheap flirt, with pretty sparkly things that don’t f-ing fit me.

I am going to have to -shock horror – actually spend money if I want a new party dress. Which, lets face it, I do. But until then, I have this gorgeous monster to fit me out for parties:

I mean just feast your eyes on those shoulder pads.

Subtlety it ain’t.