As Baz Luhrmann did not succinctly state, ‘Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.’

Oh Baz, our rock in ages past.

Whatever you think about the wisdom of that blessed man, advice is essentially useless.

Well meant, yes, and I am very grateful for all of these kindly intentioned remarks.

But behold, below, a round-up of the things people have instructed us to do/avoid/stop doing/start doing.

1) A Dundonian Printing Press Owner who travelled to Singapore (where we are not going) twenty years ago:

You simply must go to the Elvis themed 24 hour bar in the middle of a 24 hour mall in the middle of Singapore.

Winner of Singapore's Elvis Impersonation Competition 2007, no less.


2) The boss of Carphone Warehouse in Leith:

Never accept food from strangers. (Unclear if this was in reference to travels, or life advice more generally.)

Never make plans. (Although this might have been a cryptic reference to the advantages of pay-as-you-go.)

3) Everyone: Do not be a woman. If you have to be, bring a man.

I can only hope to be one as atmospheric.

4) The Nurse: If you do not get this vaccine, YOU WILL SURELY DIE.

5) My GP: Nobody needs that vaccine! There are no recorded incidents of tourists coming down with that.

6)Store your medicines in a safe.

7) Store yourself in that safe.

8)Shop assistant in outdoor shop: Take a bigger bag!

9)His fellow shop assistant: Take a smaller bag!

10) My English teacher: Go to Burma!

11)The Foreign Office: Do not go to Burma!

12) Do not eat:

Fruit.
Veg.
Fish.
Meat.
Too much rice.
Too many lentils.

And unlucky number thirteen:
DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, DIE

Rest assured, I will endeavour to abide by all of these, the latter in particular.

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